Home is Where I Am
SUN KEY
"See how the sun and the moon bow for you?
Oh, you are the remedy,
you're the key to the kingdom.
So believe,
even if you can't see, I'll never leave.”
–Beyonce Knowles
February Greetings!
I headed down to NYC last weekend to meet up with Jason after his work week. A couple of years ago I would have wrote that I headed home, but so much has shifted around my sense of home. On the flight down something clicked inside me. I suddenly had access to a full body awareness that I am my home, that wherever I am is home. I know it might sound elementary. I’ve talked about the concept for years now, and intellectually I knew it to be true. Something about the alchemy of that moment in time made it real for me. I finally owned and believed it.
I’m seeing now that this uncomplicated weekend trip to celebrate Jason’s birthday was actually the beginning of a grand farewell to many old versions of me, versions who held outdated beliefs of home. At first it felt quite sad, as though I was at a memorial of sorts. Our hotel room looked out over my old office at NYU, the job where I finally felt like I had arrived and “made it”. As I sat at my old coffee shop, it was like scrolling through a familiar photo album. One taxi ride up to the Met became a lifetime-spanning review of all the people I have met, who I’ve been, what has motivated me, who I loved, who I had to let go of, and who let go of me.
With a little space now I’m able to see this "memory trip" was a needed ceremony. It served as an opening for the whole of me to have more and more moments of full presence and attention in current time. It was a ceremony to evoke a deeper sense of ownership of my body and my agency. It was an honoring of who I’ve been and all the people and places that influenced my journey. And it was an invitation for all those NYC versions of me to recalibrate and join me in the now, in my current life.
My first week back in Maine felt a little full. My body hurt. I was irritable and emotional as all these soul expressions where getting settled in. As the memories I visited that weekend are unwinding their power and charge, I'm feeling less and less anxiety in my system. That busy, city-life fuel of running towards others or running away from myself that used to motivate me is fading. I'm allowing it to be a cool experience filled with wonderment as a fresh sense of home emerges.
What has been asking for your attention this past month? What has your soul been showing you? Has it lead you to review former versions of yourself? I'd love to hear from you! Drop me an email!
Much love to you and your spirit,
Sara
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